Injunctions on divorce
SAYING Talaq three times to effect a divorce has become part of the psyche of some Muslims in South Asia, to have the word ready to be blurted out three times whenever stress is felt in the husband-wife relationship.
This act of pronouncing all three talaqs in one breath and its destructive and tragic fallout is the result of lack of knowledge about the injunctions on divorce in the Quran and hadith. The Holy Prophet (PBUH) is reported to have said that divorce is one of those permitted acts which is most disliked by God. When Hazrat Omar was the caliph, he used to punish those men severely who pronounced a three-in-one divorce. This is why if husband and wife cannot get along, two arbitrators, one from each side, should provide counselling to avoid a divorce (4: 35).
As a last resort, if steps have to be taken to bring about a divorce, then the prescribed method should be followed, which is to pronounce it once after the woman is clear of her monthly cycle. Then both should live in the same house (65: 1) for a month, during which time the husband will have the right to revoke the divorce. If he does not, he’ll have to pronounce a second divorce after one month. Then after the second monthly cycle is over, he will either have to revoke it or pronounce the divorce for the third and the final time, making it irrevocable: “…either the woman should be asked to stay honourably or asked to leave in the best way. It is not lawful for you to take back anything from what you have given them.”(2: 229) If the man initiates the divorce, he is not supposed to take back any of the dowry or mehr given at the time of marriage or later as gifts.
The presence of witnesses at the time of divorce is necessary to make the procedure of divorce complete: “And appoint two honest witnesses from among yourselves, and give testimony for God” (65: 2). The divorced woman should restrain herself for three months before she re-marries (2: 228). “If he divorces her (three times), she will not be lawful for him after this, until she marries another husband and if he (the second husband) divorces her, then there will be no blame on either if they re-marry.” (2: 230)If the woman marries another man, with good intentions, but the second husband divorces her as well, only then she may remarry the first husband.
In Surah Al-Baqarah, it is stated, “When you divorce women and they complete their period of waiting, do not prevent them from marrying the husbands of their choice, when they have agreed mutually, in a befitting manner”(2: 232). But in Pakistan, sometimes a man divorces his wife and when she re-marries, he accuses her of adultery and has her and her husband booked under Hudood Ordinances. This is made easier when the divorce is not registered officially.
In the case of khula, the unconditional right of the wife to initiate and obtain a divorce, she has to approach the relevant authorities(2: 229). This means if the husband and wife are not able to live together with love and harmony, the woman can ask for a divorce. When she sues for a divorce, without bringing any charges against the husband, she has to return the mehr and the husband is allowed to take it back.
There was the case of a beautiful woman, Jamilah bint Abi bin Salul, who came to the Prophet (PBUH) and conveyed to him that she could not bear to be with her husband, Thabit bin Qais. She found him unattractive. The Prophet (PBUH) asked her if she was willing to return whatever mehr he had given her. When she consented, he sent for her husband, discussed the matter with him and brought about a divorce between them.
In case pregnant women are divorced, there are instructions to treat them well, “…if they are pregnant spend on them till they lay down their burden” (65: 6). The father is responsible for all the needs of his child. During the time that the divorced wife nurses the child, the father should pay for the mother’s upkeep as well. The parents should cooperate in the matter of the children: “The mothers should nurse their children for a total of two years. This is for those who wish to complete the nursing period. And on him whose child it is, is (the responsibility of) feeding and clothing (even of the divorced, nursing mother), in a befitting manner” (2: 233).
So the proper way of giving a divorce is to pronounce it three times at intervals, once a month, for three months, in front of two witnesses, right after the woman’s monthly cycle is over, while she should be living in the same house as the husband. All the jewellery or wealth, etc., given to her will be her property.
In order to reform society and to protect husband and wife as well as their children from undue suffering, the Quranic method of giving a divorce should be explained by our scholars, who should be convinced to make people aware of the right and wrong methods of giving a divorce by mentioning these details in their sermons and lectures.
