Santa's Jokes

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by candy, Apr 13, 2008.

  1. candy

    candy
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    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif] Santa proposing a girl: Darling kya tum mujse shadi karogi?
    Girl: Tameez se baat karo.
    Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karoge?
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Inspector to Santa: Faansi se pehle, bata teri aakhri ichha kya
    hai?Santa: Mere pair upar aur sier neeche kar k faansi de do!
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: I tried ur number so many times, it always said 'Switched
    Off'!"
    Banta: Nooo, it's my HELLO TUNE!
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Beggar: Oh sundari, andha hoon, paanch rupya de de.
    Santa to his wife: De de, De de, tujhe sundari bola hai to har haal
    main ye andha hai.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Oye tera vyah ho gya?
    Banta: Haan.
    Santa: Kuri naal?
    Banta: Oye munde naal v hunda hai kya?
    Santa: Haan... Meri bhain da hoya si !
    [/FONT]​

    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein
    chalayeen thi. Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ?
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa meets his old friend.
    Santa: A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B.
    Friend: Oye, iska matlab?
    Santa: Kuch nahin yaar, I mean long time no C.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar
    pe nahin hoon.
    Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain.
    Santa: Maine mana kiya that...
    Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha!
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs
    chahide si.
    Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse
    le aa.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Banta: Wo ladki deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur
    hi bolti hai.
    Santa: Kaise?
    Banta: Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli 'Maine kal hi Naye Sandal
    kharide hain'
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.
    Jeeto, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha
    ke dekha hua hai.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan
    hai, jaldi bataao
    Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko, jithe marzi so jao!
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
    Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Teacher: Pappu, describe digestive system of a human being.
    Pappu: Very simple, it starts with right hand & ends with left hand.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Tainu tairna aanda hai?
    Banta: No
    Santa: Tere naalon ta kutte changey ne jehre tair lende ne
    Banta: Tenu tairna aanda hai?
    Santa: Aaho
    Banta: Pher tere te kutte ch ki farak hai?
    [/FONT]​

    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Yaar meri aankhein dhang se nahin khulti, koi tarika batao.
    Banta: Kisi din achanak apne ghar chale jaao.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa
    rahe hain.
    Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey? Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• I can kiss u without even touching u.
    Gal: U can't
    Santa: Lagi 10-10 ki
    Gal: Ok
    Santa kisses her lips
    Gal: Touch kar liya, touch kar liya
    Santa: Aah lai 10 Rs
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Q: What do you call a man who can't hear anything?
    Santa: Anything you want because he can't hear na!!!
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Oye, ladki dekh, kitni sohni hai.
    Bata: Mujhe to uska naam bhi pata hai.
    Santa: Kya naam hai.
    Banta: Mein bank gaya tha, vahan yeh ek counter pe baithi thi, name
    plate pe likha tha: Chaalu Khata
    [/FONT]​

    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: What is the similarity between Bill Gates n Me?
    Banta: Don't know.
    Santa: Well... He never comes to my house & I never go 2 his!
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
    Santa: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Jeeto to Santa: Stop looking at girls, u r married now.
    Santa: U mean if I am on diet, I can't look at the menu also?
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa to Banta: Name 5 animals living in the water?
    Banta: 1 Frog.
    Santa: Theek hai hor das?
    Banta: Frog da praah, bhen, piyo te maa.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Banta: Meri biwi mujhe chod ke chali gayi.
    Santa: Tu uska khyal nahi rakhta hoga.
    Banta: Arre yaar, Sagi behan ki tarah rakhta tha.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa drinking heavily in bar gets up n farts loudly. Man next 2
    him: Excuse me, but u just farted before my wife.
    Santa: Sorry, I didn't know it was her turn
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Qutub Minar kahan hai?
    Pappu: Pata nahi.
    Santa: Kabhi ghar se nikla karo.
    Pappu: Ram Lal kaun hai?
    Santa: Pata nahi.
    Pappu: Kabhi Ghar me bhi raha karo.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Nurse- Congrats: Apke jurwa bete hue hain.
    Santa: Ye to hona hi tha.
    Nurse- Kyon?
    Santa: Jab dekho KBC PART-2 dekhti rahti thi, Mil gaya na UMEED SE
    DUGNA
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa talking on phone.
    Banta: Kis se baat kar rahe ho?
    Santa: Biwi se. Banta: Itne pyar se...?
    Santa: Tumhari hai.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: I'd like some Vitamins for my son..
    Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C ?
    Santa: Any will do as my son doesn't know the albhabets yet.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa's son: Mere papa bahut darpok hain.
    Banta's son: How?
    Santa's son: Jab bhi road cross karte hain to meri ungli pakad lete
    hain aur kehte hain ki chodna mat.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Gal: I think the poorest people are the haapiest.
    Banta: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• What's an adult joke?
    Santa: Any joke which is eighteen years old.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• If u call ur mother as MUM what'll u call mother's younger sis &
    elder sis?
    Santa: Minimum and Maximum
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa kissed his girl friend in the park. Girl: Plz ye sb shadi se
    pehle…
    Santa: Don't worry darling, I'm already married.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Main aur meri girlfriend shaadi kar rahe hain.
    Banta: Wow, Kab?
    Santa: Meri 7 Dec ko aur uski 13 Jan ko.
    [/FONT]​

    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Pappu: Dad what's Sex?
    Santa gets tensed but explains everything.
    Pappu: But dad how do I write all that in this small box of school
    admission form?
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to isi doctor se shadi
    kar Lena.
    Jeeto: Aise kyo kah rahe ho?
    Santa: Doctor se badla Lene ka yehi 1 rasta hai!
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Interviewer: Aap kisi MAHILA mein sabse pehle kya dekhte hain?
    Santa: O ji, wo is baat par depend karta hai ki woh aa rahi hai ya
    jaa rahi hai?
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa eats 8 Butter Naan at a party and is suffering from
    Constipation.
    Praying & crying in Toilet: Hey Wahe Guru....Ya toh JAAN nikal de, ya
    NAAN nikal de.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa went to a museum where he broke a statue.
    Officer: U have broken a 5000 years old statue.
    Santa: Thank God, mainu lagga nava si…
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Mein Shimla ja raha hoon, jate hue raaste mein biwi ko khai
    mein dhaka de doonga.
    Banta: Yaar meri bi le ja, use bhi dhaka de dena.
    Santa: Theek hai, agar tu bura na maane use vaapsi pe dhaka de doon?
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Baniye shayar ne arz kiya.
    Moorkh tha Shahjahan jo kar gaya kharcha itna TAJ par Kambakht,
    Har din ek nayi Mumtaz aa jati us kharche ke BYAAZ par.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa-Bus stand jane k kitne paise?
    Rikshawala: 10 Rs
    Santa: 2Rs mein chalega to theek hai
    Rikshawala: 2Rs mein kaun le k jayega?
    Santa: Peeche baith main lekar jata hoon.
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Mere mummy ne kal murga banaya.
    Banta: Kinu, tenu ke tere bapu nu?
    [/FONT]​
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Master: Kaka tenu pata hai ki teri umar wich Gandhi Ji, BA kar
    chuke si?
    Santa: Sir tuhadi umar vich Bhagat Singh faansi v chad chuke si..
    [/FONT]​

     
  2. nrbhayo

    nrbhayo
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    haha lolzzz
     
  3. Chacha dinga

    Chacha dinga
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  4. Ladla.

    Ladla.
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  5. نوال البلوشى

    نوال البلوشى
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