Santa's Jokes

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candy

TM Star
Jun 5, 2007
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[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif] Santa proposing a girl: Darling kya tum mujse shadi karogi?
Girl: Tameez se baat karo.
Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karoge?
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Inspector to Santa: Faansi se pehle, bata teri aakhri ichha kya
hai?Santa: Mere pair upar aur sier neeche kar k faansi de do!
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: I tried ur number so many times, it always said 'Switched
Off'!"
Banta: Nooo, it's my HELLO TUNE!
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Beggar: Oh sundari, andha hoon, paanch rupya de de.
Santa to his wife: De de, De de, tujhe sundari bola hai to har haal
main ye andha hai.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Oye tera vyah ho gya?
Banta: Haan.
Santa: Kuri naal?
Banta: Oye munde naal v hunda hai kya?
Santa: Haan... Meri bhain da hoya si !
[/FONT]​

[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein
chalayeen thi. Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ?
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa meets his old friend.
Santa: A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B.
Friend: Oye, iska matlab?
Santa: Kuch nahin yaar, I mean long time no C.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar
pe nahin hoon.
Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain.
Santa: Maine mana kiya that...
Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha!
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs
chahide si.
Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse
le aa.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Banta: Wo ladki deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur
hi bolti hai.
Santa: Kaise?
Banta: Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli 'Maine kal hi Naye Sandal
kharide hain'
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.
Jeeto, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha
ke dekha hua hai.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan
hai, jaldi bataao
Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko, jithe marzi so jao!
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Teacher: Pappu, describe digestive system of a human being.
Pappu: Very simple, it starts with right hand & ends with left hand.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Tainu tairna aanda hai?
Banta: No
Santa: Tere naalon ta kutte changey ne jehre tair lende ne
Banta: Tenu tairna aanda hai?
Santa: Aaho
Banta: Pher tere te kutte ch ki farak hai?
[/FONT]​

[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Yaar meri aankhein dhang se nahin khulti, koi tarika batao.
Banta: Kisi din achanak apne ghar chale jaao.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa
rahe hain.
Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey? Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• I can kiss u without even touching u.
Gal: U can't
Santa: Lagi 10-10 ki
Gal: Ok
Santa kisses her lips
Gal: Touch kar liya, touch kar liya
Santa: Aah lai 10 Rs
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Q: What do you call a man who can't hear anything?
Santa: Anything you want because he can't hear na!!!
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Oye, ladki dekh, kitni sohni hai.
Bata: Mujhe to uska naam bhi pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai.
Banta: Mein bank gaya tha, vahan yeh ek counter pe baithi thi, name
plate pe likha tha: Chaalu Khata
[/FONT]​

[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: What is the similarity between Bill Gates n Me?
Banta: Don't know.
Santa: Well... He never comes to my house & I never go 2 his!
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Santa: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Jeeto to Santa: Stop looking at girls, u r married now.
Santa: U mean if I am on diet, I can't look at the menu also?
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa to Banta: Name 5 animals living in the water?
Banta: 1 Frog.
Santa: Theek hai hor das?
Banta: Frog da praah, bhen, piyo te maa.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Banta: Meri biwi mujhe chod ke chali gayi.
Santa: Tu uska khyal nahi rakhta hoga.
Banta: Arre yaar, Sagi behan ki tarah rakhta tha.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa drinking heavily in bar gets up n farts loudly. Man next 2
him: Excuse me, but u just farted before my wife.
Santa: Sorry, I didn't know it was her turn
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Qutub Minar kahan hai?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se nikla karo.
Pappu: Ram Lal kaun hai?
Santa: Pata nahi.
Pappu: Kabhi Ghar me bhi raha karo.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Nurse- Congrats: Apke jurwa bete hue hain.
Santa: Ye to hona hi tha.
Nurse- Kyon?
Santa: Jab dekho KBC PART-2 dekhti rahti thi, Mil gaya na UMEED SE
DUGNA
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa talking on phone.
Banta: Kis se baat kar rahe ho?
Santa: Biwi se. Banta: Itne pyar se...?
Santa: Tumhari hai.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: I'd like some Vitamins for my son..
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C ?
Santa: Any will do as my son doesn't know the albhabets yet.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa's son: Mere papa bahut darpok hain.
Banta's son: How?
Santa's son: Jab bhi road cross karte hain to meri ungli pakad lete
hain aur kehte hain ki chodna mat.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Gal: I think the poorest people are the haapiest.
Banta: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• What's an adult joke?
Santa: Any joke which is eighteen years old.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• If u call ur mother as MUM what'll u call mother's younger sis &
elder sis?
Santa: Minimum and Maximum
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa kissed his girl friend in the park. Girl: Plz ye sb shadi se
pehle…
Santa: Don't worry darling, I'm already married.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Main aur meri girlfriend shaadi kar rahe hain.
Banta: Wow, Kab?
Santa: Meri 7 Dec ko aur uski 13 Jan ko.
[/FONT]​

[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Pappu: Dad what's Sex?
Santa gets tensed but explains everything.
Pappu: But dad how do I write all that in this small box of school
admission form?
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to isi doctor se shadi
kar Lena.
Jeeto: Aise kyo kah rahe ho?
Santa: Doctor se badla Lene ka yehi 1 rasta hai!
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Interviewer: Aap kisi MAHILA mein sabse pehle kya dekhte hain?
Santa: O ji, wo is baat par depend karta hai ki woh aa rahi hai ya
jaa rahi hai?
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa eats 8 Butter Naan at a party and is suffering from
Constipation.
Praying & crying in Toilet: Hey Wahe Guru....Ya toh JAAN nikal de, ya
NAAN nikal de.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa went to a museum where he broke a statue.
Officer: U have broken a 5000 years old statue.
Santa: Thank God, mainu lagga nava si…
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Mein Shimla ja raha hoon, jate hue raaste mein biwi ko khai
mein dhaka de doonga.
Banta: Yaar meri bi le ja, use bhi dhaka de dena.
Santa: Theek hai, agar tu bura na maane use vaapsi pe dhaka de doon?
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Baniye shayar ne arz kiya.
Moorkh tha Shahjahan jo kar gaya kharcha itna TAJ par Kambakht,
Har din ek nayi Mumtaz aa jati us kharche ke BYAAZ par.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa-Bus stand jane k kitne paise?
Rikshawala: 10 Rs
Santa: 2Rs mein chalega to theek hai
Rikshawala: 2Rs mein kaun le k jayega?
Santa: Peeche baith main lekar jata hoon.
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Santa: Mere mummy ne kal murga banaya.
Banta: Kinu, tenu ke tere bapu nu?
[/FONT]​
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]• Master: Kaka tenu pata hai ki teri umar wich Gandhi Ji, BA kar
chuke si?
Santa: Sir tuhadi umar vich Bhagat Singh faansi v chad chuke si..
[/FONT]​
 
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